Time for a Good Laugh ...

OK, so my last post was heavy. I feel like lightening things up a bit. And when my family needs a good laugh, Karis is always happy to provide one. :)

Enjoy.

Karis Having Some PhotoBooth Fun from Jason Egly on Vimeo.

Yes, Yes, a THOUSAND Times YES!!

If you are an adoptive parent, future adoptive parent, know an adoptive family, or are part of a church with an adoption/orphan care ministry ... PLEASE read the article from the Christian Alliance for Orphans entitled The Most Significant Challenge Facing Adoption in America.

Shelley and I have been saying for some time now that the challenge described in this article is THE major issue facing adoption. I can't tell you how encouraging it is to hear another voice saying the same thing.

This paragraph is key:

Perhaps it may sound overblown, but I believe there is no single factor with greater potential to derail the growing Christian commitment to adoption and foster care than failure in this point.  This is especially true as Christian families increasingly open themselves to the adoption of older and special needs children.  In short, for every enthusiastic but ill-prepared and poorly-supported adoptive family that crashes on the rocks of unanticipated challenges, dozens of others will permanently write off the call to adopt.

I have become so passionate about this topic I could write a book. I'll try to be as brief as possible. We MUST do a better job preparing families who are in the process of adopting for the potential struggles coming their way. And we MUST resource them to survive once they are home with their new child(ren.)

I am tired of seeing families be torn apart because they were ill-prepared to face the challenges of adoption/attachment related issues. Seriously, I wish I could tell you the stories of some of the families we have talked to.

Somehow, I think, we are worried that to talk transparently about the difficulties of adjustment and attachment as a new adoptive family to a potential adoptive family might scare them off. So instead, we glamorize the process, put the majority of our focus and resources on fundraising and orphan awareness, and create almost a fairy tale dynamic around adoption with our emotional Gotcha Day videos and such. And, yes, we did one of those Gotcha Day videos. And I'm not saying we shouldn't. What I AM saying is that we should also just as freely share the not-so-heartwarming moments. (Probably not with a video, but you get my point. I hope. Can you imagine posting a temper tantrum video? Ha, ha, ha.)

I'm afraid we just don't trust the sovereignty of God in the calling of adoptive families. As if telling someone the truth and being transparent about our struggles could somehow revoke His call. There's a Greek word for that: Baloney.

Yes, we must be adoption advocates. We have a scriptural mandate to care for the fatherless. But we also have a scriptural mandate to tell the truth (10 commandments anyone?) and to equip people for the work of the ministry (Ephesians 4:11-12). And yes, adoption is a ministry. We must share both sides of the story, even the scary sides. We must both encourage families to consider adoption but also strongly exhort them to count the cost (and I'm not talking money.)

Allow me to speak from personal experience, with a touch of dangerous transparency: Shelley and I feel like we have had virtually NO assistance from our adoption agency after we returned home, aside from the mandatory post-placement meetings with our social worker (whom we love.) Additionally, we feel like we were NOWHERE NEAR PREPARED for the challenges we would face. And not only do we feel like we could have been, we feel like we SHOULD have been. No, it would not have prevented our struggles, which have been many. It simply would have kept us from being blindsided.

By the grace of God, with the support of friends and family, and with the help of some excellent therapists, we are on the road to adjustment. But that road has been extremely difficult.  And in our case, if someone had helped us "count the cost," it might have rocked our world, but I PROMISE YOU we would have still adopted. God called us. And these are our children forever. We couldn't imagine our lives without them. And wouldn't want to. But I also promise you that if someone had truly talked through these issues with us, we would have been much better prepared.

And to think we thought the hardest part was raising the money and going to bring them home ... oh, the naivete. :)

The preacher in me wants to get down off my soapbox in this way:

Adoptive families, it is up to us to lead the charge on this one. To not only ADVOCATE, but EDUCATE, with an almost brutal honesty. And then once the family comes home, gather an army of people to PARTICIPATE with them. Unfortunately, all too often, what I have experienced is that we ADVOCATE and then ABDICATE and ISOLATE. That is sinful.

Thanks, Jedd Medefind, for a beautifully written article, prompting this post. Lord, help us to be the change we wish to see take place on this issue.

Starting new lives among people who need New Life

As you may or may not know, Shelley and I recently quit our jobs and relocated to downtown Nashville in order to follow God's call to plant a new church there, in the city.

Over the past few months, God has been giving us and our team a vision for this new church.  Here is a link to our church planting blog, where we are sharing this vision.  We'd love for you to read it!

http://bit.ly/gMGqU7

Thanks!
Jason

The Cost of Adoption

[It has been a ridiculously long time since we posted. We'll do better. Girls are growing like CRAZY. Pictures soon. We promise. :)]

Recently, Karis has been very curious about how we get money (the little that we have ...) then following logically, what I do for a living.  I've found it more difficult than I would have thought to describe the concept of "church planting" to most people (even church people, go figure), but ESPECIALLY to our limited English proficiency adopted daughters. The first time I described "planting a church" to Karis, she smoothly replied, "I want to plant the flowers! Another time, she confidently stated that she knew what I do for work: "You go to the Frothy Monkey, work on your computer, drink coffee, and text people." Nice.

Today, though, she, Shelley, and I were discussing why I have to work and get money. We gave reasons like, "So we can buy food, clothes, pay for our house, have electricity, have water," etc.  She seemed to get it, but she added, "And so you could get ME!"

Hmmmm. Yes, but ...

We told her, "Karis, we couldn't buy you. First of all, you weren't for sale. You are way more valuable that all the money in the world." We told her that the money we had to spend to adopt her and Ansley was for airplanes, and paperwork, and lawyers, and for the Transition Home they were in to take care of them while they waited on us to come get them.

I think she got it. But I pray that she really understands and takes to heart that she WAS NOT and IS NOT a commodity to be sold, but a treasure to be held, both in our arms and in the arms of Christ.

But it also made me think ...

First of all, if I am honest with myself, there is an uncomfortably fine line between the redemptive process of adoption and the evil practice of child trafficking. It is PARAMOUNT that agencies and adoptive parents keep this line in clear view at all times because, when you are wrapped up in the emotion of adopting, you become singly-focused on getting your child home, and it would be SO EASY to cross that line. I cannot imagine having to either lie or explain to my daughter that she had been bought. What devastating consequences that would have on a child's identity and self-worth!

But it also made me consider the true cost of adoption.  The true cost of adoption has nothing to do with a dollar figure at all.  The true cost of adoption is the sacrifice that has to take place, not just for the adoptive family as they completely reorder and restructure their lives, but in many cases for biological parents who have to make the excruciatingly difficult decision to choose adoption for the well-being of their child. (For the story of our girls' biological father who chose adoption for them while staring down a terminal illness, please read this post.)

And then, as if by divine providence -- like God was really trying to make this point clear to me -- the following conversation took place after I posted a video on Facebook about the theological foundations for adoption. (If we are Facebook friends, you can view it here.)

Kristina: 

This video is very powerful and it is expressing a great idea on adoption ....I really love this video ......On a personal level because, I let my family and my boyfriends' family adopt our two babies back in 2007 since we had hit some hard times ....and I didn't want my children lost in the system....Thank goodness for adoption, now my babies are blessed and I know I did the right thing for both of them ....More people need to adopt....a lot of children need a place to call home....thanks for the video....Take care my friend and may your family be blessed ....

Jason Egly: Wow, Kristina. What a courageous thing you did! It is amazing that you were able to put the interests of your children above your own. What a difficult thing that must have been for you. I pray that God will honor your sacrifice and bless your children, while at the same time healing your broken heart and giving you the confidence that you did the right thing. :) Thanks for sharing that.

Kristina: Thank, You so very much....Take care of your self and I'll keep you and your family in my prayers....Good luck with your church project....wish you the best, also may you also be blessed...take care my friend....

THAT, friends, is the cost of adoption. Sacrifice.  Just like the sending of Christ, Sacrifice is the language of Redemption.

Larry, Bob, Mallory, Ansley, and Karis

Watch this Steven Curtis Chapman video and see if you recognize anyone :)

(Look closely around the 2:10 mark ...)



We are so proud to be a Show Hope family!!!

(Kudos to David Watson at Fourth Watch Productions for the great work! Follow the Watson's adoption journey at http://ethiopiascalling.blogspot.com/)

Hey Gabriel, Watch This ...

Every now and then, you just need a boost to your confidence.  An affirmation that you are actually doing the right thing, that God has not forgotten you, and is fighting for you.

This is especially true for adoptive families.  Because adoption is freakin' hard.  The spiritual warfare surrounding the process of redeeming lives is breathtaking.  And it doesn't get any easier when you get them home, like I used to think that it would. In fact, it gets harder in many ways. A different kind of hard, but harder, nonetheless.

It's in these low times, that we have found God  most likely to show up and blow our mind in such a way that gives us the encouragement we need to "Keep pressing on."

Yesterday was such a day.

Except yesterday, He decided to give us a triple shot of encouragement.

Story 1:
We have become friends with the Watson family over the past year or so.  The Watsons are in the process of adopting a sibling set from Ethiopia.  As of yesterday morning, they were lacking only their last $3500 needed to travel to bring their kids home. We had shared with them about a fundraiser that had worked well for us last year when we were in the same boat, and they decided to give it a shot yesterday.  What happened was nothing short of miraculous and a testament to God working through His people to provide for His children. What an encouragement that God will meet every need!  Read their recap of yesterday's events HERE.

Story 2:
Many of you saw and have been praying about what I mentioned in our previous post. Thank you so much!  Yesterday, my friend Travis returned home from Ethiopia and emailed me saying that he HAD BEEN ABLE to find and connect with our girls' biological father, and his clinic was able to evaluate him and provide some care!  He said they were going to try and get him into the program! In addition, he attached 4 photos (sorry, those are private) and I cannot tell you what the emotions were in being able to see him at the clinic!  I wish I could tell you all of the details, but I cannot, due to security reasons.  Just know that what happened is AMAZING!

Story 3:
As I like to call it, "Icing on the Cake."

First, a little backstory ...
Several years ago, when we lived in Knoxville, there was a couple about our parents' age who became good friends and supporters of our ministry there.  They had a daughter (our age) whom we found out worked for our agency as in-country staff in Ethiopia. As it turns out, she was very close to Ansley and Karis while they were in the Transition Home. In fact, according to the girls, she was the one who went and picked them up from the orphanage and brought them to the TH. That right there was cool enough. But wait. It gets WAY better.

This friend and her husband (not using names, for the sake of privacy) ultimately returned home to the Nashville area and has since gone back to adopt another little girl that they had fallen in love with.  This little girl is a little younger than Ansley and they know each other from the TH.

Fast forward to the present.

We have recently moved to Nashville as our family is a part of a team planting a new church in West End.  Moving, of course, meant changing the girls' schools and making new friends.  It has been somewhat stressful. Understatement of the year.  We have obsessed over choosing the right school for the girls, who to send where, and in what grade.  We also wanted a place that would reflect the new diversity of our family. We ultimately decided to send Mallory and Ansley to the school we are zoned for and to allow Ansley to repeat Kindergarten, since last year was such a difficult year for her.  We have gone back and forth with this decision, but finally made up our mind that this was best.

Last night, we went to the school to see what teacher and class the girls had been assigned to. As we were looking at Ansley's class, there was the name of our friend's little girl. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? At first we couldn't believe it.  But surely there could not possibly be another kid in Nashville with that Ethiopian first name and that last name, right?

We rushed home and emailed our friend and it was FOR REAL!!  Not only will there be another Ethiopian child in Ansley's kindergarten class, but it will be one she KNOWS from Ethiopia, who also happens to be the DAUGHTER of the person who took care of her and Karis when they first became orphans!

Surely God had to be laughing His head off at us last night.  I can almost see Him leaning over to one of the angels and saying, "Hey. You're going to want to watch this.  This is going to be good. Ha ha ha ha."

As it turns out, yesterday is an overwhelming message to my family from the Creator that He is in control. Yes, it may be hard. Yes, we may want to give up, at times. But we can't and we won't, because God is orchestrating every bit of this and is still fighting for us, and for all the orphans of this world.

We will keep pressing on.

The God of Long Shots -- a prayer request

I'm needing to write a short update/prayer request, but I have been putting it off because I'm not sure how to write it. So I apologize in advance for any vagueness.

The day that we got Ansley and Karis in Ethiopia, we were able to meet their biological father, Teshome. You can read the entry we wrote about this while we were in country here. It was a day that brought such a wide range of emotions.  Obviously the joy of physically having the girls in our family forever, but also the pain of seeing a father let go of his children because he knew he could not take care of them due to his illness.  The image of him walking away from the Transition Home that day crying, knowing he was likely to never see them again, is so vivid in our minds. Our hearts have been heavy with that vivid imagery ever since.  In a just world, no father would ever have to do that. And we felt helpless to help him. 

In addition, we know so little about our girls early history, other than their extreme poverty and the circumstances which led to them being taken to Kids Care Orphanage.  As we have dealt over the past year with difficult issues regarding their attachment, we have often wished that we had more information. In the past month or so, I have mentioned to Shelley that I would greatly desire to go back to Addis Ababa by myself and try to find out more info. Of course the cost and logistics of such a journey make that next to impossible.  But I have been praying that God would allow some way for us to connect with the girls past and some way help Teshome.

Two weeks ago, I got a facebook message from an old college friend who is currently on staff with Vanderbilt Medical School. In that message he asked, "Your girls were from Addis Ababa, right?"  Of course I responded yes and instantly was intrigued as to why he would be asking.

Turns out he is traveling with a group of doctors and medical professionals to do work with a Christian clinic that provides year-round free care for the poor in Addis Ababa. They only serve a limited number of individuals, but they serve them for life, making home visits, building relationships, and also addressing their spiritual need. One of the purposes of the particular clinic that my friend is working is to identify new patients to be in the program. I instantly emailed a friend that works with our adoption agency in Addis and asked if there would be any way she could connect with Teshome. She replied immediately (from Ethiopia! Total God thing!) and said she knew how to contact him because he came by sporadically asking to see pictures we had sent with our post-placement updates!  She said that she would be more than happy to try and find him and take him to the clinic!

That is where we are now.  I write all of this to ask you to pray.  My friend's team left earlier today (7/29).  We sent with him some recent pictures of the girls, a letter to Teshome from Shelley and me, and some pictures that the girls have drawn.  We don't know what to expect. We know this whole thing is a long shot, but our God is the God of long shots. If this works, we would have the opportunity to tell our girls that not only are we taking care of them as their forever family, we are also taking care of Teshome, because he is our forever family, too.

BTW, the girls do not know about any of this. We don't want to get their hopes up for something that may not materialize. So please, if you see them, don't mention this.  Just pray that God would give us this opportunity to possibly help meet his physical and spiritual needs, and maybe even help us learn more about our girls' earliest years.

Thanks, friends.

The Necessity of Risk

I wrote this post for my church planting blog this afternoon, but thought it would fit well on this one as well.
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The past few nights, we have started reading through the Gospel of Mark with our girls right before bed.  Mark is one of my favorites. I love how he gets right to the point and moves quickly from story to story about Jesus.  It's an action-packed Gospel, or as I like to refer to it, the ADD Gospel. In other words, it's perfect for me and my family. :)

The other night we were reading the story where Jesus calls out the first four disciples:

One day as Jesus was walking along the shore of the Sea of Galilee, He saw Simon and his brother Andrew throwing a net into the water, for they fished for a living. Jesus called out to them, "Come, follow Me, and I will show you how to fish for people!" And they left their nets at once and followed Him. A little farther up the shore Jesus saw Zebedee's sons, James and John, in a boat repairing their nets. He called them at once, and they also followed Him, leaving their father, Zebedee, in the boat with the hired men. 

(Mar 1:16-20 NLT)

The coolest thing in the world is to watch our girls' expression as they hear these stories for the first time.

Karis instantly had that look of contemplation/confusion upon her face. "You mean they just left their nets? And their dad?"

"Yep."

"That's crazy!" she exclaimed, in all sincerity.

And she is right.  It is incredibly crazy.  But of course, my familiarity with this story completely strips away its craziness for me. Over the past couple of days I have been thinking about how insanely crazy that story actually is.

Simon and Andrew left their nets. Just left them. Didn't pack them up or put them away to come back for them. Left them. For fishermen, nets = livelihood.  No nets = no fish = no money. And even so, they left their nets "at once" after hearing what, quite honestly, was an odd request. Fish for men? Hmmm, that doesn't sound very profitable. Or secure.

In addition, leaving the Sea of Galilee is symbolic of leaving behind comfort, beauty, and luxury.  Get a load of this, from Barnes' Commentary on this passage:

"There is no part of Palestine, it is said, which can be compared in beauty with the environs of this lake. Many populous cities once stood on its shores, such as Tiberias, Bethsaida, Capernaum, Chorazin, Hippo, etc. The shores are described by Josephus as a perfect paradise, producing every luxury under heaven at all seasons of the year, and its remarkable beauty is still noticed by the traveler ... The waters of the lake are sweet and pleasant to the taste, and clear. The lake still abounds with fish, and gives employment, as it did in the time of our Saviour, to those who live on its shores."

The life of an Ancient Near Eastern fisherman was by no means a glamorous vocation, but the security and resources this lake had to offer must have made it a difficult place to walk away from.  Yet walk away, they did.

Looking at this story through the eyes of our two youngest daughters -- former orphans -- the idea of James and John leaving their father takes on a completely more intense meaning.  While Ansley and Karis had a great relationship with their biological father (read this post for more about their story), the tragic circumstances of their poverty and his health made it necessary for them to have to leave him.  What a sad day that was for them. But it had to happen. So to leave their father by choice, the way James and John did? Only to follow a man of questionable reputation calling to them from the shore?  That is indeed insane and hardly even fathomable for little Karis.

Yet this is continually the kind of risk I see Jesus calling for from those who would follow Him. Leave father and mother. Sell everything you own.  Give your last coins. Take up your cross. In the Gospel stories, the result of such a risk was an opportunity to walk with the Savior.  To sit at His feet.  To hear the beating of His heart. And yes, to suffer with him.

The calling for those who would follow Him today is no less demanding. Why would it be? And, likewise, the results today are no different.

On more occasions than I can count, I find myself sitting across from an individual telling me that they have hit a spiritual brick wall.  They just can't seem to hear the voice of the Lord. They don't feel the closeness that they did "way back when" they were younger in their faith. And if I'm honest, I'm often frustrated with my own inability, at times, to hear the voice of the Lord and feel His presence.

Yet the times I have most clearly heard the voice of the Lord are the times where I was risking the most to follow Him. If I get anything at all out of the above passage and my own experience, what I am learning to do is ask this question (of those I counsel, and of myself): What are you currently risking in your relationship with God? 

Am I having trouble hearing God? Then what nets am I dropping?  

Am I feeling far from the Lord? Then what securities, comforts, or luxuries am I walking away from? What relationships am I leaving behind? 

Am I struggling with having faith? Then is my lifestyle arranged in such a way that requires faith, or am I dependent solely on my own resources?

I am convinced that the Church in America is struggling in our ability to hear God and is becoming stagnant in faith and deed because we are not risking anything to follow Him. We like our nets.  We are in love with our stability.  We are content in our comfort. We are addicted to our luxuries. We are dependent only on ourselves. 

As a result we are losing our influence, both individually and corporately, because we cannot hear His voice. We cannot follow His heart, because we are too far away from it to hear the rhythm of its beats. His feet have walked the road to sacrifice and we are afraid that to sit beside them would mean they would eventually lead us down the same path.

To sacrifice is crazy. To choose suffering is crazier. To risk security is flat out insane. But in order to hear His voice again -- to sit at His feet, to hear the beating of His heart once more, to follow Him -- risk is absolutely necessary.

What are you currently risking in your relationship with God?

One Small Voice

Here's a video of the girls singing together -- one of their favorite things. Sorry for the poor quality.

For those of you who have been following us for a while, I want to say thanks for praying for us. For Ansley, specifically. It seems that the Holy Spirit is really working in her heart and helping her to heal from all the hurt. You can see it on her face, as you'll see in this video.

Our prayer is that her one small voice singing about what she is overcoming will point the whole world to the One Who Overcomes.

It may make you a little misty-eyed, but have no fear. Karis, as always, comes to the rescue with some comic relief. :)

What's Next for the Egly Family ...

Well, the rumors are swirling ...

And most of them are true. The main one being that we are officially crazy.

Seven years ago when I was ordained into the ministry, my pastor and mentor, Dana Mathewson, commissioned me with these words: "Jason, unless God is specifically calling you to serve an existing church, go start something new."

I have struggled with those words ever since they were spoken to me. Starting something new is hard. Starting something new is scary. Starting something new is crazy. And haven't we met our crazy quota for this year (lifetime?)? Seriously ...

Four years ago, God enabled my family to have the best of both worlds when we came to First Baptist Hendersonville. Sure, it was an existing church, but I was called specifically to start a new College Ministry. Eventually we expanded that and started a Young Adult ministry. And Shelley and I have loved every minute of it. But ...

The desire to really start something new has continued to grow in us. It is unmistakable. It is undeniable. It is unquenchable.

So, what's next for the Egly family?

As of June 1st, I will leave my position at FBC Hendersonville and will begin a 6-month Church Planting Leadership Residency with Fellowship Bible Church in Franklin, TN, in preparation to plant a new church in the West End/Hillsboro Village area of Nashville in early 2011.

[Aside: For any of you wondering why Nashville needs another church and/or why church planting is so important, please read this classic paper by Tim Keller: http://download.redeemer.com/pdf/learn/resources/Why_Plant_Churches-Keller.pdf

Also, I'd love to sit down with you and share the vision that God has given us.]

I will eventually begin a new blog that will document our progress toward this calling. In the meantime, our girls' response to this change pretty much sums up our experience so far ...

We shared with them (as best we could to a 4, 5, and 6 year old) what we are doing and the changes that it will bring to our family. Obviously Karis and Ansley were struggling to have any concept of what we were talking about.

Karis said, "So you're saying we are going to build a new church?"

"Well ... Kinda," I said.

She looked down and thought for a few seconds and then responded, "Can I plant the FLOWERS?" [Completely confused by the church "planting" terminology, ha ha.]

"Absolutely!" We laughed.

"Tank-you," she said, matter-of-factly, her body language expressing that she was good with this whole "church plant thing" now. (We'll break it to her later that it will possibly be a long time before we need to plant any flowers around a building, ha.)

Then Ansley piped in, "I help bring the chairs in, Dah-dee." And with that, she was on board.

"Awesome," we said.

But then, when we looked at Mallory, she had big huge tears streaming down her face. "But, I am going to MISS my Sunday School teachers and friends!!!" she cried. And we explained that some of our best friends will be going with us (more about that in a later post) and that the coolest thing is that this is going to allow us to meet many more new friends. And besides, God is telling us to do this. Doesn't He always know what is best for us?

She smiled. Because that's a question to which she has learned the answer by experience over the past 2 years. [Side note about adoptions: they teach your whole family what it means to take risks and live by faith; they give your kids the opportunity to see God come through EVERY TIME. So church planting is really not that scary after all. :) ]

Our emotions run parallel with our girls'. We are excited and ready to jump in and get started. But we are also heavy-hearted to leave a place and a people we love. A people who have become family to us and have helped us give these two new little ones their forever family ... Whew.

This is hard.

We covet your prayers. :)